Lesbian

I couldn’t figure out how to tell her. If she said yes, it would change my life. If she said no, probably that would change my life too. But I so wanted it to be yes.

So you can imagine I was anxious. I played it over in my mind a thousand times. I finally concluded the only way to ask would be to play it cool. Like I didn’t care. And if you knew me, you’d know how difficult that was.

So at dinner that night, I waited and waited for the right moment. First I had to listen to her tell stories of her day. The line at the butcher, and then there being no meat except for the scrawny sausages we were having. The line at the vegetable store for carrots, cabbage and potatoes. How the guy at the vegetable store likes to pinch the asses of the women who come by, just as if they were the cantaloupes. (As if he had cantaloupe!)

Finally, I saw my opening. “Mom,” I started, and waited to make sure I had her attention. “I got the weirdest offer today.”

“Mm?”

Even by local standards, we didn’t have much, and as a college student, I occasionally got offers to do some tutoring or babysitting, and I always jumped at such chances, even if that meant putting off doing a paper or studying for a test.

“On the positive side, it’s a lot of money. On the negative side, it would involve both you and me. And you’ll probably think it’s immoral.”

“Don’t just blather. Spit it out.”

I nodded, but kept quiet an extra moment. “I… I… Um… In my history class, you know, there’s this American guy. So, evidently he has a friend who’s visiting, and this guy makes movies. You know what kind of movies I mean.”

“No, what?”

I just looked at her until she understood.

“Oh, those kind.”

This was 1992. The Berlin Wall had fallen not that long ago. Communism was no more, but it would be a lot of years till we didn’t have the full taste of communism in our mouths. At that time, Westerners were starting to pore in. Some set up businesses. Some bought real estate. The old mores were falling by the wayside. Especially in Prague, where we lived, Czech women were starting to make money by posing naked—an option never before available. The only ways to make money off sex before was prostitution or just sleeping with someone for a political favor, or a nice pair of boots.

“Yeah. You remember two days ago when you met me at the bar? I was with my friend and his friend, though I had no idea what the friend did. Anyway, when he saw you, he thought you were beautiful, and would be a perfect actress for his movie.”

“What would I have to do?”

“It’s a sex movie, mom.”

“I understand. Do you want to tell me, or should I talk with this friend?”

“No, I’ll tell you. It would be to have sex. With me.”

Mom looked at me to see if I was kidding.

“I’m not going to do that. I might, if it weren’t you. Wouldn’t that be possible?”

“I could ask, but that’s not what he said he wanted. And he would pay a lot of money.”

“How much?”

Good old mom. I knew she’d ask that.

“Ten thousand koruna.”

She gasped. “That’s enough to buy a car.”

“Sure.”

“I could set myself up with a taxi. Make some actual money.”

“Sure.”

“Talk to your friend. See if he’ll let me make the movie with someone else. I’d do two movies for that amount, and then I could buy a car.”

“I’ll call now.”

I picked up the phone, and Mom watched the call avidly. I was majoring in English, so it was fun for me to speak in this other language in front of her. She probably knew all of three words in English, so while it looked like she was following what was going on, I knew she didn’t have a clue.

I talked, and listened, and talked again. When I hung up the phone, I shook my head.

“He’s not interested in anything but what he said. That’s the type of movie he makes. Just incest movies. Mothers and sons. Fathers and daughters. Brothers and sisters.”

“He finds people to make these movies?”

“Evidently. He says he’s been in the country for three months, and he’s made four movies already to take back to the United States.”

“Oh, my.” Mom was taking this in.

“He also told me he’s leaving to go back home for the Christmas break at the end of the week. So he said if you were interested in doing this, he needs to know by tomorrow morning, and he’d want to shoot it the day after tomorrow.”

“That’s Thursday. I have to work.”

“I’m not saying you should do this. But for 10,000 koruna, you could call in sick that day.”

Mom didn’t answer. She got up and started to clear the dinner dishes, even though I wasn’t finished eating. She came back with a bowl with two mealy apples on it. Dessert.

“What do you want to do?” she asked me.

“I’m not going to say one way or the other,” I replied. “This has to be your decision.”

“No, it’s a joint decision.”

“Mom, I love you. I want what’s good for you. It’s a lot of money, but I don’t know if it’s good for you. Or me. But if you want to, I’m OK with it.”

“That’s still not saying anything.”

“OK. pendik escort Right. OK. Fine. If the movie calls for me to fuck you, and you’re OK with it, I would definitely do it.” I watched my mom for reactions. She didn’t give me much. “Is that what you were hoping to hear?”

“It helps.”

“You want to tell me what you’re thinking?”

“I don’t know what I’m thinking. It’s too much to think about.”

“You want to do a pro and con list?”

“Sure.”

I got a piece of paper and divided it into two columns. It felt a little funny doing this, as this was a typical exercise we did, but for very different types of decisions. Like should we take a vacation or save our money? Get a dog? That sort of thing. And usually we came down on the side of not doing anything, which is why we never got a dog and went on vacations like once every three years.

Mom started to tell me her thoughts, and I wrote them down.

“So on the positive side, there’s the money. On the negative, we’d have to have incest. We’d have to act and have sex in front of other people. It would be recorded. People might see.”

“They would see, Mom, but this would be for an American audience. I don’t think you have to worry about the neighbors.”

“You can’t guarantee that. People might see.”

I shrugged and wrote that down.

“On the positive side, it’d be easy money. And I might even enjoy having sex.”

This I hadn’t expected. But I played it cool as a cucumber. A cucumber baking in the hot summer sun.

“Anything else?”

“It could give us a financial cushion. I could get a taxi and make more money. That would help pay for your school books and such.”

“Anything else?”

“It could change our relationship. You might not look at me the same way.”

“You’ll always be my mom.”

She smiled. “What do you think? I used to be beautiful and have a nice figure. But my face has lines and wrinkles now. My body is starting to sag and bulge in places. Why would you want to have sex with someone as old as me?”

“Mom, you’re still beautiful. And sexy. I mean, I don’t usually think of you when it comes to sexy, but it’s still obvious. You walk down the street, and men look at you. Even women.”

“Not the way it used to be. When I was your age, practically all men couldn’t stop from staring. I got propositions, from grandfathers to boys. It’s what got me your father, back when it seemed like he was going to be a major figure.”

Dad was handsome, I could see in the pictures. But even more, he was brilliant. He graduated from college at 19, and from med school at 22. I had some of his looks, and some of Mom’s, but I didn’t have his brains. Then again, I don’t know whether he really was as brilliant as they say, because when I was three years old, he was arrested for treason. Supposedly, he started a petition at the hospital he was working at that protested the government. He was in jail 200 miles away, serving a long sentence. It was only supposed to be 20 years, but then he tried to escape, got caught, and now was looking at not getting out till he was 60. He was allowed to send a letter every three months, but my mother usually just tore them up when they arrived. She went from having a glowing future to barely being able to put food on the table after his arrest. She couldn’t say his name without becoming very bitter. She had her choice of men, she thought she picked well, and she made a mistake. She divorced him, but no good suitor came along, despite her continued good looks, given that she had two small children, one of them in a wheelchair. (That’s my older sister Katia, who eventually found a man herself, somehow, and married and moved out.)

Mom started cutting and peeling the apples. I watched the sharp knife twist in her hands.

“Never mind, mom,” I said. “I’ll tell him to find someone else.”

“No,” she said. “I’ll do it.”

“You mean it? You want to sleep on it?”

“No, call him now. But ask if he’ll pay 15,000 koruna. He’s probably got a lot of money. It’s important to negotiate. And find out exactly what he expects us to do.”

I picked up the phone again, and got through right away. I had a long talk. Mom again watched as if she was understanding everything. When I hung up, she was hungry for the details.

“So here’s how it is, Mom. He could pay 15,000 koruna, but only if we make two movies. Each movie is supposed to be an hour. In each movie, there has to be a story and we act it out. But we also have to play ourselves, mother and son. That’s the audience for the movie—people who find that erotic. It’s up to us to choose the story line, but the most common ones he said is that the son seduces the mother, or the mother seduces the son. Movies have to include fucking. They may include the rest of the usual things: kissing, petting, oral…”

I don’t think I had ever used the word fucking in front of my mom. And I’m sure I never used the word oral, especially in that sense. I was expecting her to balk, but she just kept on nodding.

“When do we get paid?”

“Um, I didn’t ask that. maltepe escort I think at the time.”

“Call him back. Ask. And ask if it’s cash.”

I called and had a quick conversation.

“We get paid right afterwards. But not cash. Check.”

“Call him back and ask for cash.”

I sighed and called back. “He said he usually gives checks for the whole thing. For us, he’ll do half in cash, half in check. Plus there’s a bonus. If the movie sells really well, we can get royalties, and possibly be asked to make more movies.”

“OK.” Mom’s eyes were kind of glistening. It seems like she was getting into this.

“You have the address of where we’re supposed to go?”

“I do, mom.”

“Then that’s it.”

I pulled out my statistics book. Mom got out her knitting. We went back to having a normal evening, but it sure didn’t feel normal.

After about an hour, Mom had a question. “Pavel, have you had sex?”

“Yeah, mom.”

“With how many girls?”

“One.”

“Anna?”

“Right.” Anna was my girlfriend throughout high school. Sweetest girl imaginable. Not very bright, but you wouldn’t dare say that to her face, as she could turn from sweet to violent very quickly. Actually, she was sort of my protector, as she beat off several bullies who made fun of me.

“How many times?”

“You mean how many times we made love?”

“Yes.”

“Lots. Anna liked sex a lot.”

“Aha.” And then mom went back to her knitting.

“Mom, how many men have you been with?”

“More than one, Pavel. More than one.”

“You don’t want to tell me?”

“No. Let’s just say that sometimes I was lonely, or felt like I needed a man. I’m only human.”

“I know that, mom. I know you’ve dated a lot, trying to find someone to replace dad. I don’t mind.”

“Good.”

“Mom, can I ask? Are you good at sex?”

“From what I’ve been told, I’m very good. How about you?”

“Well, I only know what Anna told me. And she said she enjoyed it.”

“That’s nice.”

We went back to our activities. I have to say, staring at the textbook was just about the last thing I wanted at that moment. There were words and numbers in front of me, but they didn’t seem to make any sense whatsoever.

“Mom, do you want to have sex tonight? We can practice for the movie. Maybe it makes sense so we don’t do badly when the time comes. Or are surprised. I mean I wouldn’t want it to not go well, you know? I’m just saying, of course you don’t have to.” The words poured out of me, breakneck style.

Mom kept on knitting. “That sounds like a good idea. If you’re in a movie, you’re supposed to rehearse.”

Right, that was what I was trying to say.

“Exactly. We could rehearse now.”

“Maybe not just now. In half an hour, when it’s time to go to bed.”

“Sure.”

“Do you think you’ll want the story line where I seduce you, or you seduce me?”

“Mom, I’m good with either one.”

“Pick one.” She said it so calmly, like I was picking which fish I wanted from the fish counter.

“Can I seduce you?”

“That would be lovely.”

I turned my eyes back to the book, but at this point, all I could see was black and white. There were no letters or numbers, just a jumble. I could hear the clock ticking, and it was ticking so slowly, you’d think the insides were gunked up with molasses.

I waited as long as I could—20 minutes instead of the full half hour. I came over behind the chair where she was sitting, and leaned in to kiss her on the neck. She swanned back a little, to provide access for more neck and throat kisses. “Mom, I’m so turned on, it’s unbelievable. Are you turned on too?”

“Mmm. Maybe. Wait here.” Mom went in back to the bedroom and closed the door. We had one of those typical Prague apartments—a combined kitchen and living room, with a couch that turned into a bed. There was one small bedroom in back, which was mostly mine, though mom had all her clothes there along with mine. She slept in the living room. When Anna still lived with us, she had the bed, mom slept in a chair in her room, and I had the couch.

Mom came out of the bedroom, wearing a pair of pajamas she didn’t usually wear. They weren’t exactly revealing, but they were skimpier than her normal pair. I didn’t even know she had this extra set. Instead of full sleeves, this had short sleeves and was cut much lower. And instead of being full length down to her ankles, this ended at her knees. It showed off her beautiful calves and knees and ankles. Her skin glowed white, like a full moon at midnight.

I was sitting on the chair, and she motioned for me to get off. Instead, I took her by the waist, and pulled her down on me.

“Oh,” she said, as she landed on my lap, and before she had the chance to say anything else, I pressed my mouth onto hers.

She pulled away. “What are you doing, Pavel?”

“I’m trying to kiss you, Mom.”

“Why?”

“I’m seducing you, don’t you remember?”

“Aren’t you supposed to seduce me with words?”

“Not everyone kartal escort speaks Czech, Mom. In movies, actions speak louder than words. And more internationally.”

“OK, but I’m more comfortable with you touching my body than with trying to kiss me.”

“Hey Mom, I have an idea. Maybe part of my kissing you is part of the seduction. When you let me do it, it’ll show that I’ve overcome your resistance.”

“What do you mean?”

“Let me show you. I’m going to try to kiss you. You’re going to refuse, you’ll turn your head. But I’ll keep trying, and eventually I’ll succeed, and the camera will see that you’re starting to like it.”

Mom just looked at me. I took that as a good sign. I brought my face in close to hers, and she moved away from me, just as if on cue. But I followed her around, repositioning myself in front of her, and kissing my way across her cheek. Just as I got close to her mouth, she whipped her head the other way. None daunted, I followed with kisses across her other cheek. She moved again, but I was ready for her. With my hand, I stopped her chin directly across from me, and I planted my lips on hers, and snaked my tongue forward. I felt her mouth open just a little, perhaps in order to protest, but that was my opportunity. I pushed my tongue through more, and met hers. I caressed the back of her neck, and her mouth opened more.

I pulled my tongue out, testing if mom would continue. She didn’t.

“I see what you’re getting at, Pavel.”

“So that was OK?”

“It was OK. We can do that.”

“Can you kiss me back?”

“I imagine so.”

“So let’s try.”

“Just because you get to kiss me doesn’t mean I’m ready for sex.”

“I know.”

Mom brought her face to mine, and gave gentle little kisses on my lips. It felt teasing and like she was playing her own game. But I could live with that. Chalk it up to her finding her comfort zone.

The small kisses graduating to tongue play. She tongued my cheek. She tongue the outside of my lips. I wanted to grab her and give her a big lipsmack, but I held back. Eventually she tongued me so that my lips opened and she ventured inside my mouth. Our tongues played gently, and it was heavenly. Was it weird kissing my mom, and having her kiss me? All I can say is you should try it with your mom, and see how you feel.

I decided to reward mom by touching her breast as we kissed. She stiffened, and I sucked her tongue to make sure it didn’t leave and allow her to pull back. She made a small moan, which I interpreted as her wanting to say no, but not being able to.

“That’s really good, mom. We should definitely do that in the movie.”

I was amazed by the feeling of my mom’s breast. It was more solid that Anna’s. Anna’s were a little on the small and delicate side. Mom’s was meatier, but in a good way. I moved my hand under her breast to heft it. Mom shifted her head so that she wasn’t looking as I freed the breast from its constraint. That was fine with me. I didn’t want to her to see how hungry I was to get to know her breasts. They had fascinated me my whole life, and here the first one was, free to my gaze and touch. The other would be following quickly.

And there it was. I had pulled the strap of mom’s robe off, and at first it pooled on her bosom, until I knocked it off its perch. Why do men love breasts so much? I have no idea. But they do, and I do, and I now had a magnificent set just waiting for my adoration.

I remembered the game. I was still in seduce mode. “Mom, your breasts are magnificent.”

“Thank you, Pavel.” Like she was thanking me for cleaning the dishes.

I leaned down to start kissing them. First the left, then the right. Then more of the right, a bit of the left, and back to the right. I suddenly understood Mom’s right breast was definitely bigger than her left. Funny, I hadn’t noticed that before. I licked the nipple, and Mom made moan. That led to me sucking the nipple into my mouth, just as I must have done while a baby. Mom didn’t say anything, but I got the impression she was squelching a response.

But after a while, I sensed that she was ready to move on, even if I could have stayed doing this for oh, an eternity. “Mom, is there something you like from here?”

“Do you like to eat pussy? Some men do, some men don’t.”

“I don’t really know. I offered to try on Anna, but she only liked my fingers there.”

“For the movie, I could pretend to try to keep you away from licking me there. But once you get there and start, I could find myself past the point of control. Past the point of no return. You know what I mean?”

“I think I do.” Of course I did.

I pushed Mom’s back down, and started to plant kisses down her abdomen, proceeding ever closer to the magic spot where I was born. Mom tousled my hair as I moved south. A little disconcerting, but my focus was strong.

Mom’s pubic hair was bushy, and I made a note that we’d both need a little trimming down there for the movie. I parted my way to her pussy. I wanted to pull away to really see it, but figured I’d have to save that for another time. Her clit was large, and extended itself for my attention. But I didn’t want to start there. Instead, I lapped around mom’s vaginal lips, going counterclockwise. I went around twice, and then pulled the lips open a little so I could lick inside.

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