Ass

Thhhhhump!!

“UUUUGHHH!”

“AAGGHH FUCK!”

Fuckin’ hell – I didn’t mean to run into him – damn, I didn’t mean to run into anyone, but I just did – literally.

I’d just panicked as I realised that I’d left a brand new hard drive on the back seat of the car. I’d just bought it along with a small fortune’s-worth of other computer bits and pieces…and while I’d brought in several large boxes full of bits, I’d left the hard drive behind, still in its box.

Sod’s law says that if I left it there for much more than five minutes then some thieving git would come along, smash a car window and nick it – so I was hot-footing it out to the car, when it happened.

There was this heavy, somewhat oblique impact; some guttural grunts, an impression of flying and falling, some groans and a fair amount of pain and then I was lying there in the gutter alongside a somewhat rotund and rough-looking guy who I’d suddenly and violently met.

“Jesus fuckin’ hell!” I exclaimed, shaken to the core and wringing my hand to get rid of the pain, “What the fuck were…? Why don’t you watch where you’re bloody well going!”

“No – what the fuck were YOU doing?” the other guy exclaimed angrily as he sat up, “I just walked past your fuckin’ gate and…”

Suddenly I realised that I was indeed almost entirely in the wrong…I’d just galloped out of our gateway without even looking, never expecting there to be anyone right in my way. I’ve got one of those old houses with a high wall and heavy brick pillars at the front, so I couldn’t see anything, but I should have looked first, shouldn’t I?

“Ah – oh fuck – oh shit! Ummm, look, sorry mate – I’m really, really sorry,” I exclaimed, contritely now, “Yeah – you’re right – guess it was my fault. I’m so sorry – you ok?”

“Just about,” the other guy said as he sat up, “No thanks to you.”

“I am – I’m really sorry,” I said, now feeling very contrite, “I wasn’t thinking…I wasn’t looking either and I was in a hurry.”

We both stood up – actually I helped him up and we began brushing the dust and dirt off our clothes. I looked at him as I did so.

Oh fuck – there was a trickle of blood running down the side of his face.

“Shit – you’re hurt,” I said pointing at his head.

“Whereabouts?” he asked, his hand feeling for the blood – which he soon found.

“Oh bugger – you got a tissue or something?” he asked as he dabbed at it with his hand and made the trickle into a smear.

“Yeah, yeah – come in the house and I’ll fix you up. Oh – I’m so sorry,” I said, now feeling like a complete idiot for crashing into him.

I linked my arm into his to help him up the path – he seemed to be a little unsteady on his feet – and eventually got him into the utility room where I sat him down. In a few moments I’d found some soft lint and some plasters and a little later I was bathing his wound – a small nick on his temple.

“You’ll live,” I said, hoping to relax him and it seemed to work.

“Yeah – I’m ok. Have you got a plaster I can put on it?” he asked and no sooner said than done and he was repaired.

“That better?” I asked and he nodded.

“Could I have a drink of something?” he asked, “And if you’ve got a couple of paracetamols, they might come in handy too. Head’s spinning…”

No problem – the utility room cupboard was filled with such useful things and I got him a glass of water to wash the pills down and soon they were gone.

“Hey, um – stay there for a moment would you – I must get something from the car,” I said, having suddenly remembered my hard drive once more and inside a minute I’d fetched it and now felt very much more relaxed.

“You alright now?” I asked, “Feeling any better?”

“I’ll do – bit sore in places but I’ll be ok. Better let those pills go down though before I get on my way,” he said, “But thanks for your help anyway.”

“Least I could do since I caused it,” I said but he held up his hand to stop me talking.

“Just bad luck us both trying to be in the same place at the same time,” he said with a small smile, “Never mind – worse things have happened…”

“Absolutely,” I said and then I realised that I didn’t even know who I was talking to.

“Oh sorry – I ought to introduce myself – I’m Peter, Peter Lord,” I said and the other guy held out his hand which I grasped and shook.

“I’m Paul, Paul Clark – Nobby, they call me,” he said with a smile, “Us Clarks all get called that.”

I laughed, knowing that I too was lumbered with a silly nickname.

“Ha – I’m called Streak – guess you know why!” I said laughing, “Although actually they called me that because I’m tall and thin.”

“You’re not really thin,” said Nobby, eyeing me up and down, “Tall yes, but not thin.”

“Oh all right,” I said, “Slim perhaps – 32 inch waist but I’m not skinny.”

I gave Nobby a good once-over to assess him mentally and perhaps physically, soon realising that he was probably six inches shorter than me, if not more and definitely somewhat more rotund, güvenilir canlı bahis siteleri although not totally fat-looking. He was a cheerful looking guy; short dark hair; blue eyes like me and generally reasonable enough in appearance, if a bit on the rough side. He was wearing a rather over-sized t-shirt and baggy jogging trousers – the kind with an elasticated waist.

“So what do you do then?” I asked having assessed his body shape, “I reckon you look as if you’re stuck in an office.”

“Office! Far from it! Seldom see an office,” exclaimed Nobby, “I’m into sport – I coach hockey players; men that is – well, goal-minders in particular and in my spare time I wrestle.”

“Bloody hell,” I said, “And there was me thinking you were a bit…oh damn – sorry, I mean more suited for a sedentary life.”

“Oh – you mean fat?” he said, “Nah – not a bit of it – it’s all muscle, mate.”

With that he stood up and quickly stripped off his t-shirt to reveal his upper body.

My jaw dropped as he displayed his remarkably well developed muscles; his bulging pecs; his massive biceps and his ripped abdomen…not to mention his profusion of hairs and tattoos. He was solid – all man!

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not gay – I don’t really like blokes at all but his upper body was a bit like something you’d see in a magazine and something of a complete surprise too.

“Wow!” I exclaimed, “Bloody hell – got you wrong then!”

“You’re not the first,” he said remaining stripped down as he sat once more, “So, what do you do then – you look as if sport is definitely your scene.”

“Definitely wrong!” I exclaimed, “Right shape – wrong mind. And as it happens, I’m the one who spends his time behind a desk. Can’t stand sports actually.”

“Ah come on – you must do something sporty – you’re just built for it!” Nobby said, “Show me your chest.”

Never having been shy of my body, I too quickly removed my t-shirt and I saw Nobby’s eyes open wide.

“Hey – you look like a model or a swimmer,” he said, “All smooth and clean. Do you shave? Where’s all your hair?”

“Never had any – parentage I guess,” I explained, “Not that I miss being hairy.”

“What about your bollocks – surely they’re hairy?” said Nobby, rather to my surprise, “Mine are simply covered!”

I shook my head.

“Just a small clump in the usual place but no hairs elsewhere,” I said, smoothing my hands over my chest, “Not even under my arms.”

“Is that right?” he said, “Hey – look, I’ll show you! This is how hairy I am.”

Suddenly he stood up and with his thumbs he pushed down the waistband of his joggers – not actually revealing his hairy balls but at least revealing that his broad and dense forest of hairs continued below his belt and out of sight. The root and perhaps a couple of inches of his cock appeared briefly until he pulled his trousers back up again.

He chuckled heartily.

“Haha haha!” he chortled, “Stupid of me! I was going to show you how hairy my balls are without thinking that they’re right down there! I’d be showing everything! Must still be a bit woozy!”

I laughed with him at the absurdity of the situation and we banged knuckles together to show our camaraderie – although we were hardly life-long friends…

“Ah well – so, what are you into? Is it modelling or swimming?” said Nobby, but I shook my head.

“No, sorry, I don’t mind a quick dip but I’m into computers I’m afraid,” I said, “Completely geekish I guess!”

“Oh – now that is interesting,” said Nobby, his eyes brightening up, “Do you know much about them then?”

“I build custom made PCs for my customers,” I said airing my detailed knowledge, “All kinds of weird and wonderful set-ups…good business.”

“Wow! All I know about computers is that they keep going wrong!” he said ruefully, “Wouldn’t have a go at fixing mine would you? I was trying to do something a while ago and it kept shutting down on me. I’ve hardly used it since then and I miss it when I do the team lists.”

Now I’m not usually into doing computer work just as a kindness but I felt somehow that I owed this guy something so I decided that I could probably spare him a couple of hours for free, so I nodded.

“I’ll give it a go if you like,” I said, “What is it – a tablet, laptop, PC?”

“Just my PC that I run at home,” said Nobby, “Keeps locking up or doing strange things…”

“Ok – bring it round – this evening any good?” I said and this time Nobby nodded.

“Yeah, great,” he said, “I’m free – about sevenish?”

“Done!” I agreed and we both stood up to close the conversation and our meeting.

As we did so Nobby suddenly staggered forward a couple of steps and I just about managed to catch him in my arms. I held him firmly and closely as he shook his head, his eyes looking decidedly wobbly.

“Woooo!” he said, “Came over all dizzy – sorry.”

“No problem – you’d better stay a bit longer. Come on, sit down again,” I said.

Still clutching him fairly tightly I walked güvenilir illegal bahis siteleri him backwards towards the chair he’d just vacated and as I did so I realised that something was prodding into my thigh – something hard but flexible…it could only be his cock!

It was my turn to shake my head…

I managed to sit him down and there it was, quite a sizeable tent in his joggers, which I tried to ignore.

Nobby was still a bit dazed I think and seemed to be unaware of his predicament but from my position it was unmistakable, even to the extent of a small damp spot that stained his joggers a darker colour.

‘Why the hell is he hard?’ I wondered, not having thought of anything sexual at all until now, ‘Oh fuck – he’s starting to make me hard too!’

About then Nobby seemed to pull himself together and his arms, once limply by his sides now quickly swung across his lap, more or less successfully hiding his erection.

“Sorry mate,” he said, blinking his eyes, “Feeling better now. Didn’t realise I was so shaken up.”

“Bit like after you’ve given blood,” I said, “You’re ok until you go to walk outside! Hey – that’s an idea – a cup of tea with plenty of sugar’s supposed to be good – could I make you a cuppa – perhaps you’d prefer that to water?”

“Won’t say no – but any chance you could make it coffee not tea?” he replied, “Never liked tea much.”

“Yeah – no problem – come on through to the kitchen – you’ll be able to see my set-up too,” I said and Nobby stood up again, still not too steadily.

My eyes automatically fell down to where his penis had been tenting his trousers but apart from a generous bulge there was no indication of an erection – at least he was under control, even if my own cock was still at least half-hard. But at just six inches long, my cock didn’t cause much of a tent…and then I shuddered involuntarily as I suddenly realised how long Nobby’s cock must be to cause that sized tent! My eyes were very reluctant to leave his groin – I was dead curious now!

But why was I interested? Am I gay and don’t know it? Nah – just plain curious I guess!

We walked down the hall and through to the kitchen, passing my spare room that was now my office-cum-workshop – piled and littered with computer bits and pieces, boxes and other junk.

“Work in progress,” I said as we stopped and peered inside, “Not to mention a load of clutter!”

“Wow,” said Nobby, “How on earth do you know where everything is? I’d get lost just looking.”

I laughed, because that indeed was one of my problems.

“Yeah – I can never find the bit I want – it’s always somewhere else,” I said, “Spend half my time going out and buying new parts and then finding that I’ve already got them at home somewhere.”

“You need organising,” said Nobby, “Some racking over there; a decent worktop; get some of those see-through storage units to sit on the top for all the little bits; a few more power points won’t come amiss by the look of it; a few other things – easy!”

“Oh yeah,” I said, “I’m terrible at organising that sort of thing!”

“I could do it!” he said, sounding entirely sincere, “Right up my street. I’m great at getting things into order and I love doing a bit of DIY work. Let me see what needs doing tonight; I’ll see if I can come up with some ideas. Might cost you a few quid but it’d be worth it, I think.”

“Ok,” I said, quite relieved in a way to get the place more shipshape, “Yeah, good plan – have a look at that while I’m fixing your machine.”

We moved on to the kitchen which opens off the lounge and I sat Nobby on one of the breakfast stools while I stirred up some tea and coffee – then we went and sat in the lounge.

“Come on then, tell me a bit about yourself,” I said by way of something to talk about.

“Ok – where do I start…ummmm…I’m 30 this year,” said Nobby, “I’m five foot six; I’m about 240 pounds and I’ve got a flat just round the corner from here. I only rent it but it’s what I call home anyway. And I work at the gym and down at the sports club; the gym for my wrestling and the sports club for the hockey. Yeah – and I told you I train goal minders and I do but I actually also manage our local hockey team. And I’m single – well, divorced and er, what else?”

“Nah – nothing – better tell you about me then,” I replied and he nodded with interest.

“Right – well I’m 29 next month. I’m six three and about 170 pounds…and this is my house – all paid for,” I said proudly, “Nice little inheritance from my grandfather paid for it, thank heavens. And that’s meant that I didn’t have to get a proper nine to five job so I’ve had a chance to build up my own business. I’m something of a specialist computer person – I’ve always been good with IT stuff. So now I’m well set. That’s my Range Rover out there – bought it new last year – and I’m single too.”

Nobby looked ruefully at me.

“Range Rover,” he said, cheerfully scornful but a bit enviously, I thought, “I can’t even afford to park my bike güvenilir bahis şirketleri around here! Still, I hardly need a car. I borrow the van from the sports club when I want to shift some gear around.”

“I need my transport,” I said, “Some of my clients are out of town and I try to provide a complete service for them, home installation and back-up included.”

“Good for you! So you’re tall, slim, handsome and rich!” said Nobby cheerfully and I shrugged my shoulders.

“If you say so!” I agreed.

“I do – and you’re the complete opposite to me!” said Nobby, “Not that it matters really. Chalk and cheese – but opposites attract, they say.”

I didn’t want to admit that he wasn’t beautiful, but he was a bit rugged to look at…

“We must be well opposite then, from the way we met!” I said, laughing and Nobby joined in.

“Magnetic personalities more like!” he said, “The way we came together!”

“Hey – N for Nobby and S for Streak. North and South, like magnets – no wonder we collided!” I added and we both fell about laughing.

The conversation degenerated into an amiable chatter about life around the neighbourhood, the weather, the TV (which as it turned out, neither of us watched much); the local ‘talent’ such as it was and many other inconsequential subjects before we both put down our mugs and stood up once again.

Immediately my eyes fell to his groin and although there was obviously something quite large in there, there were no signs of an erection or other unexpected protrusions. I found myself feeling a bit let down somehow!

Soon Nobby was on his way, waving back to me and reminding me of our seven o’clock date and then there was peace again.

I busied myself finding places to dump my latest purchases, getting myself a drink and some food and dealing with my emails – and soon seven o’clock was upon me. Minutes later the door bell rang and Nobby was back, still dressed in jogging bottoms and a t-shirt and lugging his PC under his arm.

I let him in and, taking the computer from him, I took it into my workshop and connected it up.

“Ok – let’s have a drink while we’re waiting,” I said, “Wine, scotch, vodka, lager, coffee, water?”

He laughed and said he’d enjoy a scotch – but since I then discovered that my ice tray was empty, he accepted vodka and coke instead and I joined him…while filling my depleted ice rack.

With the computer now fired up and loaded I sat down to see what I could find.

Viruses – loads of them, to mention but a few of his problems! And everything was so out-of-date too. Well – what else was I expecting!

“Don’t think much of your protection!” I said laughing as I installed a good program and started it running.

“Don’t know much about that kind of thing,” said Nobby innocently, “I’ve just ignored things like that I guess…”

I watched the progress of the clean-up but I soon realised that probably only a complete re-installation would deal with his problems – everything was wrong. I explained the problems to Nobby who looked somewhat crestfallen.

“Is that going to cost me?” he asked but I was able to shake my head.

“Nah – it’s mainly down to time and loading newer stuff,” I replied, “Anyway, I owe you, don’t I?”

Nobby put a burly arm over my shoulder and patted me to express his thanks…his patting was more like a rough blow than a love tap, that was for certain, but it was meant well!

A little while later I’d backed-up all his Documents folders and set the machine to do a full re-installation.

“Ok,” I said, “Let’s leave the computer to run while we have a break – come on through to the lounge.”

Together with new drinks we headed to the lounge where we settled comfortably among the plants inside the sunroom and there we chattered about hockey – about which I knew nothing – and about computers – about which he knew nothing…but somehow we both enjoyed our chatter.

Eventually I guessed the programs should have completed so we returned to the ‘office’.

Damn – things weren’t quite complete but almost…seconds were counting down…

Nobby was sitting at my left elbow as we watched the screen and we idly chattered from time to time, each having another drink as we waited – and eventually things began to end their run and normal service was up and running. There was still work to do but at least I could see that his computer was now clean and safe.

“I’ll have a look at your C Drive and then I’ll work my way through your Documents folder while I’m at it,” I said as I opened up Windows Explorer. “Needs tidying a bit, doesn’t it…”

“Needs tidying – I bet it does!” said Nobby, “Don’t think I’ve done anything much in there – I’m a bit iffy about that.”

Then he was silent as he watched me work – and indeed, his Documents folder looked as if a bomb had hit it – there were all kinds of unnamed ‘new’ folders everywhere, not to mention loads of random bits and pieces just dumped there.

“Blimey,” I said, “Thought you were good at organising things?”

“Yeah, but…” replied Nobby, looking a bit shamefaced, “Inside the computer is another world – I get lost in there.”

“Ok then, let’s do some organising for you. Makes things a lot easier if you give folders names, for a start,” I said, as if I was lecturing to a student.

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