A Missed Chance?It was just after Christmas in my first year at Uni.I’d been interested in women for a while, but hadn’t had a girlfriend yet, hadn’t even had a snog. I was on an engineering course so didn’t meet many girls, and was too highly strung to really see the options socially.I had made a few friends in halls, but I was still trying to balance being away from home. I hadn’t started looking at internet porn yet. (Although a third year pointed me at some sites later that year.) And my sexual experimentation began and ended with knowing that there was a lock on my room door, and no-one was going to find the porn mag down the back of my bed. I still felt guilty masturbating.Steve, a somewhat aging resist student, tried to take me under his wing, we’d played the odd game of pool during the first semester, I’d started to drink routinely, we played trivial pursuit in different people’s rooms. I didn’t want to settle in though.Steve picked up how stiff I was and tried to get me to loosen up, he tried to persuade me it was tradition to do a quad run after losing three straight games of pool, there were other tricks and jokes, but one time was impossible to forget.There was a fetish ball at the Union, I volunteered in the RAG society and had ended up at the ball, I was phased at the stuff that people were wearing, I couldn’t believe the stuff seriously existed, let alone that people, people my age, would show it off.Steve waved me over to where he was sitting with his girlfriend, who lived in the same hall as us and was roughly my age, I crouched down to talk to them.Steve hitched Gina’s miniskirt up, revealing a forest of pubic istanbul escort hair. “Hey, what do you think?” I can’t remember whether I’d been drinking that evening, probably not, but somewhere, instinctively, I stuck my tongue out, and pulled a face to exaggerate, to joke about licking it. It would have been out of place, even with all the fetishware around, there wasn’t any play going on.Later that evening we were outside the union, on the way out we’d each grabbed a bunch of condoms that were wrapped in cardboard envelopes, marked with a safe sex message and the contact details of the uni’s on-site GP practice. (I had a moment imagining my GP staying late to stuff Johnnies in to cardboard tubes.)Steve showed off the trick of getting a condom over your head, I blew one up like a balloon, and was disappointed that it just flapped around rather than flew around. They talked about how Gina was wearing “vagina print knickers”, I got the feeling that it was damage limitation, taking a step back from sexualising the friendship. But the fact was I wanted to believe them, I’d played “I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours” when I was a k**, and yeah I’d checked out the odd girl in a low-cut top, but I wanted my first experience of face-to-face nudity to be with a girlfriend.It was late, the safety bus had stopped running, and we clubbed together to ring a taxi. While we were waiting for it to turn up Steve sidled up to me, and asked conspiratorially “so then … have you ever seen a wide open vagina?”. Gina started going frosty, while Steve went on about avcılar escort how it could be an important development for me. I pointed out that Gina didn’t want to do it, and that there it should stay. Later in the cab Steve called to the driver from the back seat, encouraging him to have a look at the “muff on the back seat.” I was the front seat passenger and glanced behind me just long enough to see that both Gina and Steve had hands on Gina’s legs, Gina pulling a wry expression. I joked that they should stop, that I wanted to get to bed alive(!)We got back to the hall and sat on the mezzanine in the common room. We were the only three there. The mezzanine looked like it had been part of the 70s spending. The place was full of those minimalist leatherette easy-chairs that school staff-rooms used to love, although I guess unless you’re at least my age, you wouldn’t recognise them. Under Steve’s guidance I was opposite Gina, and the topic had returned.I admitted that I had never seen an open vagina, and tried to shut the conversation down, Gina hadn’t been up for it. Except now, according to Steve she was, although Gina was being unusually shy. I couldn’t figure whether it was reluctance, nerves or something else. Steve persisted that this was part of me growing as an adult, that it was no more than “I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours.”I’ve always been a grower, not a showwer. The last time I’d been naked around other people had been when I was fifteen, the wonderful growth spurt I’d had at 17, (I’d put on over an inch of erect length in what felt like a couple of weeks.) had şirinevler escort left me with a smug grin for a while, but no more confidence.I was scared that giving someone this little bit of control over my sexual maturation was a slope to losing everything. And maybe I didn’t want it getting about that my sexual discovery was such an act of charity.Mutely, Gina pulled her knees up until her in steps rested on the edge of her chair’s cushion. She parted her legs making her skirt ride up. I couldn’t resist a glance, as much to confirm what was happening as anything else, but I tried to keep my gaze up. I don’t know why I didn’t just make my excuses and leave. Steve leant in putting a hand either side, framing her vulva, holding it open. Gina herself kept eye contact, but slipped a hand down, a finger teasing her hard clit.”look” steve’s voice dripped, “She’s playing with herself”I tried to keep my eyes up, I didn’t know what to do. Gina didn’t cum, but soon brought her knees together, her skirt back down, and sat there looking at me. I was trying to work out if this was a test, what it said about me.Steve went on to say that maybe it was difficult for me with him there, and offered to go down to the other end of the mezzanine.Have there been times when I’ve wanked and thought about what if? Have I fantasised about diving off my chair and burying my face in there? Or fantasised about taking Steve up, letting him go to the other end of the room, or showing Gina mine? Yes to all the above.I was 18, group sex didn’t make much sense to me, I didn’t understand that some men like to watch their partners with other men, which isn’t to say that I wish I’d indulged them. I wanted my explorations to be with someone special. In the winter term I’d meet a girl I liked and start moving down my own road, and for me, not exploring with Gina that night was the right thing to do.Steve was right that I needed to loosen up though, but it took a long time for me to get there.



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