Amateur

Author’s note: This is my entry for the 2016 Lit Halloween contest. Please vote and leave comments if you have the time.

All characters in this story are fictional, and all fictional characters are over eighteen years of age. No Papa Smurfs were harmed in this story (okay, maybe one or two, but not seriously)

*

Emily glanced at her phone. “Katie” the display read. She pressed the answer icon. “Hey,” she said.

“Hey, girl, what are you up to?” Katie asked.

“I’m rearranging my underwear drawer in order of sluttiness,” Emily said in her normal droll monotone voice. “Turns out, it’s much easier than I thought; I mostly only own white cotton, granny panties.”

“Are you coming to the party, tomorrow night?”

“What party?”

“My Halloween party. Remember, the one I told you about weeks ago.”

“Oh that one. Gee, I must have been so busy I forgot,” Emily said sarcastically. “Is a G string sexier than a thong? Or vice versa? I can’t seem to make up my mind. Not that it matters anyway, no one is ever going to see me in them, but me.”

After the bitter breakup with her cheating fiance, Emily had become disillusioned with dating and with men in general. It wasn’t a question of her not attracting the attention of men, she got plenty of that. The problem was the type of attention she attracted: guys fixated on her large breasts, slim waist, and curvaceous athletic bottom; and nothing else. Because of this, Emily deliberately dressed down, like a Hollywood celebrity trying avoid the paparazzi.

“The party starts at eight, you can come by then or anytime after that.”

“Um . . . You know, Katie, I don’t really do Halloween parties, and they really don’t do anything for me.”

“Come on, don’t be a party pooper,” Katie said. “It’ll be fun.”

“I think I’ll pass on this one,” said Emily. “Besides, I don’t have a costume to wear.”

“Just make something up.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, anything.” Katie said. “Hey, I’ve got an idea.”

“What?”

“You could wear your work uniform.”

“And be what, some kind of naughty nurse like every other bimbo on Halloween night? Um, I don’t think so.”

“You don’t have to dress up if you don’t want to. It’s a costume optional party.”

“Oh, so I can go naked if I want?”

“Yeah, like Joan of Arc. Do you have a horse?”

“I do, but she’s in the shop getting a pedicure. And it was Lady Godiva who rode the horse naked, not Jeanne d’Arc.”

“I stand corrected. So you’re coming then?” Katie persisted.

“Um . . . I don’t know, maybe. I haven’t made up my-“

“Oh, oh, I forgot to tell you,” Katie interrupted excitedly. “Guess who’s going to be there?”

“Octomom?”

“No, she’s busy shooting porn. Guess again.”

“Kate from Kate Plus Eight?”

“Nah, she’s also shooting porn.”

“With Octomom?”

“No, with the Duggars and Uncle Si from Duck Dynasty. Guess again.”

“I don’t want to, Katie. I hate playing these kind of games. I give up. Who is it?”

“Todd.”

“Todd? Todd! Oh my god, Todd!” Emily deadpanned. “I’m so excited I just peed myself.”

“Todd is Geoff’s friend from work,” Katie explained.

“Pinch me, I must be dreaming. Is Todd single?”

“He might be,” said Katie. “I don’t know actually.”

“Are you trying to fix me up?”

“Maybe. What’s wrong with that?”

“Oh, I don’t know, let me think. How about the last time you tried?”

“You’re too picky, Em. What was so wrong with Chad?”

“Oh, nothing. We had a lovely time, I guess. He spent the whole evening trying to sell me term life insurance. It was so incredibly romantic; the kind of night a girl could never forget.” Emily said. “So what does this Todd look like? Never mind, it doesn’t matter, ’cause I’m not going anyway.”

“Come on, Em, you need to get back out there. When was the last time you had sex?”

“Um . . . Is this a trick question?” Emily asked. “A few minutes ago.”

“I meant with another person.”

“Oh, well, yeah, so that’s a bit different,” said Emily. “Okay, I admit it, it’s been a while for me.”

“You’re not even trying, Em” Katie said.

“I am trying, Katie.”

“Well, whatever you’re doing isn’t working. Maybe you need to do the opposite.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

———————————-

Todd surveyed the room-there was a Jack Sparrow and his Wicked Wench, three Naughty Nurses, two Sexy Schoolgirls, a very inebriated Papa Smurf, the obligatory Cardboard-mammogram-inspection-box-on-his-head Guy, four neon orange haired Donald Trumps, a trio of Blue Men, two Harry Potters, one Mr T. and a Fat Elvis-and he quickly realized he stuck out like a sore thumb. Unlike the rest of the hipsters at the party, Todd wasn’t wearing a costume; he didn’t own one and didn’t really care to. Instead, Todd turned up wearing what he wore to the office that day: tan khakis, a pinstriped, button down business shirt and brown leather loafers.

Todd felt a tug on the back of his sleeve near his elbow and he turned bakırköy escort toward the tugger. “I like your costume. What do you call it?” Emily asked, eyes fixed forward avoiding eye contact, like this was some kind of drug deal or money drop. Todd turned and faced the room, mimicking her odd behavior. “Ordinary Man,” he replied.

“Is that a superhero?” Emily asked.

“Not so loud,” Todd said tongue-in-cheek, “you’ll blow my cover.”

“Sorry,” said Emily. “So what’s your superpower?”

“Blending into crowds,” he said.

“Looks like it’s not working out so well,” Emily pointed out.

“True, unfortunately it never works out well on Halloween. This night is my Kryptonite, I guess. What about you, who are you supposed to be?”

Emily glanced down at her loose-fitting jeans, Chuck Taylor All Stars, and oversized sweater. “I’m . . . Um . . . I am Opposite Woman,” she proudly announced. “Couldn’t you tell?”

“Ah, yes of course, I see it now. I sensed there was another superhero in the room but wasn’t able to see through your clever disguise.”

“I do the opposite of what everyone else does,” Emily explained. “So when everyone decides to dress up in stupid costumes, I do the opposite and dress normal.”

“Nice to meet you, Opposite Woman. When I’m not blending into crowds, they call me Todd.”

“Your secret identity is safe with me, Todd,” she assured him. “Mine is Emily, Em for short.” Emily glanced first at Todd’s weddingless ring finger then around the room. While her gaze wandered elsewhere, Todd took the opportunity to check out Emily and was excited by what he saw, and even more intrigued by what he imagined was hidden underneath Emily’s loose fitting clothing.

“So where is Ordinary Woman?” Emily asked.

“What? Who?” Todd replied, quickly returning his attention back to the costumed crowd.

“Your sidekick, Ordinary Woman, you didn’t bring her to the party?”

“Um . . . No. Sadly, Ordinary Woman and I are no longer partners. She decided go a different route and team up with another superhero.”

“Who?”

“Extraordinary Man,” Todd said ruefully, “he always seems to get the girl. I guess it’s true what they say.”

“What’s that?”

“Nice guys finish last.”

Emily turned and for the first time looked directly at Todd who turned to meet her attentive, longing gaze. She smiled and said, “I like nice guys.”

Todd was caught off guard by her comment and wasn’t sure how to respond. “Um . . . Can I get you something to drink, Opposite Woman?”

“What’s everybody else drinking?”

“There’s a punch bowl in the kitchen with a green-colored concoction called Monster Mash Punch.”

“I think I’ll have the opposite.”

“I brought some wine. Is that opposite enough?”

“That would be lovely.” Emily watched Todd as he weaved his way through the crowd toward the kitchen. He was tall, slim, clean cut; with All American, boy-next-door good looks. He was definitely a keeper, Emily thought, so obviously there must be something wrong with him.

Emily had already mentally stripped Todd naked and was imagining him on top of her, fucking her senseless, when Todd returned with two glasses of Sauvignon Blanc.

“Are you okay?” Todd asked. “You seem distracted.”

“Sorry, I was just thinking . . .”

“About what?”

Emily grinned. “Baby names.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” Emily looked away from him. “Never mind.”

“Oh, okay. So, what brings you to this party, Opposite Woman?” Todd asked, handing her a glass of wine.

“I’m a friend of Katie’s. Have you seen her?”

“Last time I saw her she was in the bathroom hunched over the toilet bowl, hurling into it.”

“That doesn’t surprise me-girl could never hold her liquor. Where’s Geoff?”

“He’s in the bathroom with her, holding back her hair so that she doesn’t get puke in it.”

“Who said chivalry was dead?” Emily joked. Gesturing around the room with her wine glass. “Do you know any of these people?”

“No, not really. Geoff invited me. The only other person I know is Phil, from marketing.”

“Which one is he?”

“He’s the one dressed up like Jack Sparrow.”

Once again, Emily looked around the room. “I don’t see him. Has he left already?”

“No, he just took his wench into the guest bedroom to . . . um, bury some treasure.”

“Oh great,” Emily said sarcastically.

“What?”

“I was supposed to crash in there. Now, I get to sleep in the sex room after everyone else is done spooging all over it. I can hardly wait.”

The lights in the room dimmed and someone cranked up the stereo, signalling a shift in the tone and nature of the party. The room was soon filled: first with the sound of a rhythmic, bass heavy, dance groove; followed by a growing number of costumed, undulating bodies.

“Um . . . Em, would you like to dance?” Todd nervously asked.

Emily was blessed with many talents, dancing, however, was not one of them. When it came to the dance floor, Emily was a rhythmically beşiktaş escort impaired dork, and she was painfully aware of it (the video from her sister’s wedding reception was permanent proof of that). “Thanks, Todd,” Emily said, “but I don’t really-” Emily could see the disappointment dripping down Todd’s face. “Sure, why not,” she finished, then grabbed him by the hand and led him to one of the few remaining empty spaces on the crowded, makeshift dance floor.

Emily tried her best to keep her movements to a modest minimum, while Todd, who was as equally inept at this, tried his best to keep a respectful, OSHA approved safe distance away from her as he gyrated around in a hybrid Chicken Dance\Macarena\Matrix\Cabbage Patch style.

Unfortunately, for Todd, his honorable intentions were soon thwarted when Papa Smurf barged his way in between the two seductively dancing Sexy Schoolgirls. Senior Smurf had come to the conclusion that the girls were misguided lesbians, who had somehow lost their way, and needed a threesome with a fat, white-bearded, bare-chested, blue-painted, beanie-wearing, viagra-packing, middle-aged, red-yoga-pants-wearing man; to steer them back to the path of heterosexuality (or, at minimum, bisexuality).

His misguided attempt to impress the young ladies with his dance floor prowess resulted in Papa Smurf losing his balance midway through Doing the Dougie, and he crashed into Todd from behind. The collision caused Todd’s body to domino forward into Emily’s. He quickly grabbed her firmly around her body with both of his arms just as she was losing her balance and was about to fall to the floor. “Sorry,” Ordinary Man said to her.

“That’s okay,” Opposite Woman replied, noticing how incredible it felt to be in the strong, safe arms of her super hero. Regaining her balance and her bearings, Emily tried to come to her senses. Todd’s arms were still protectively wrapped around her waist; she responded by wrapping her arms around his neck and began to dance more recklessly with him.

The pressure of the crowd surrounded them, encircling them, closed in and forced Todd and Emily’s bodies closer and closer together. And as their personal spaces shrank, their intimacy grew. Neither of them seemed to mind, nor did they protest. It had been a long time since Emily had a felt something like this-the closeness and connection of another kindred soul pressed tightly up against her body. She was cherishing every second of it, and wondered, wished, and desperately hoped that Todd was feeling the same.

The song ended and an argument quickly broke out between the two Harry Potter’s over who would assume the role of the Alpha Wizard\DJ of the party. “Why don’t we go outside and get some air?” Emily suggested, just as the two wizards were squaring off, wielding their Walmart-bought, plastic magic wands, as they began casting spells at one another.

———————————-

Standing out on the patio in the crisp, cool night air, Todd and Emily simultaneously took a sip of their wine and stared up at the brilliant bright stars in the clear Autumn sky. “Are you . . .?” Todd started to ask.

“Am I what?” Emily replied.

“I was just wondering if you were having a good time,” he said. “To be honest, Em, you’re not the easiest person to read.”

“I’m sorry. I know I can be like that,” Emily admitted. “I can’t help it. To answer your question: Yes, I am. I’m having a good time, a really good time, but to be honest, Todd, these type of parties really aren’t my kind of thing. I’m more of an Anti-Halloween girl.”

“How do you celebrate that?” asked Todd.

“What?”

“Anti-Halloween?”

“It’s sort of the opposite of Halloween,” Emily explained. “Come to think of it, it’s a lot like Valentine’s Day.”

“How so?”

“A guy gives me flowers; we have a nice meal, then we fuck.”

“I’m afraid I didn’t bring any flowers,” Todd admitted.

“And I already had dinner, so I guess that means we jump right to act number three,” she said. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” Emily grabbed Todd by the hand and starting to lead him back into the house and through the wild, raucous party crowd.

Todd hesitated. “Is something wrong?” Emily asked.

“No, I guess not. I’ve just never . . . never met a girl as forward as you.”

“Well, what did you expect from Opposite Woman?” Emily winked at him.

Todd grinned. “Point taken.”

———————————-

“So where do you live?” Todd asked after they got into his car.

“Look, to be honest, Todd, my place is kind of a mess,” Emily confessed. “Do you mind if we go to your place instead?”

“No, not at all.”

“And, Todd, I want you know I’m not usually like this.”

“Like what?”

“Like Opposite Woman, I usually don’t fuck guys on the first date.”

“This is a first date?” Todd joked.

Emily laughed. “You know what I mean.”

“So why is tonight different?”

“I don’t know. I guess . . .” Emily sighed. beylikdüzü escort “It’s been awhile for me and I decided it was time for me to take a chance, and you seem like a nice guy, better than the jerks I usually date-I mean when I was still trying to date.”

“Well, as long we are making confessions,” said Todd. “I don’t normally do this sort of thing either-I mean on a first date. So I guess it’s Opposite Night for both of us.”

“How come?”

“How come what?”

“How come you don’t normally do this sort of thing on first dates? I thought that was all that guys were interested in.”

“I don’t know,” Todd said. “I guess I’m a bit old fashioned.”

Emily grinned at him. I like old fashioned, she thought as he started the car.

———————————-

Todd returned from the kitchen of his loft apartment with two glasses of wine and sat down on the micro-suede couch next to Emily. “To Opposites!” he toasted.

“To Opposites attracting!” Emily replied, clinking her glass against his.

They sat there for a long while in awkward silence. Emily could sense Todd was a bit shy and hesitant to make the first move. It was a refreshing change from the guys she normally dated, who, by this stage of the evening, would be trying to force as much of their cock as they could into her mouth and down her throat.

Someone had to make the first move, and Emily finally decided that Opposite Woman was going to be the one. “Um . . . Todd.”

“Yes?”

“There seems to be something missing from your lips.”

“What?”

“Mine.” Emily leaned in close, their lips met and they began to kiss, slowly and tentatively at first. The shyness, awkwardness and innocence of it all made Emily feel like she was teenager again-secretly making out on the couch in the living room of her parent’s darkened house.

Emily turned up the heat and started unbuttoning Todd’s shirt. Her hands began to roam, exploring Todd’s surprisingly taut, muscular chest. He responded by slipping his hand under Emily’s sweater, where he unsnapped the front clasp of her bra and began to gently caress her breasts. The gentle touch of his lips upon hers and Todd’s wonderful wandering hands were making Emily incredibly aroused.

“Why don’t we take this to the bedroom?” Todd whispered.

His words were music to Emily’s ears. “Okay,” she replied, trying hard to downplay her excitement.

They got up from the couch and Todd led Emily by her hand to his bed. “Lie down,” he told her. Todd was becoming more relaxed, more confident, and more assertive as the night went on; and Emily was loving every minute of it.

After removing her shoes, Todd peeled Emily’s jeans off her body, leaving her white cotton, granny panties still in place, still covering her desperate, dripping pussy. Then he climbed onto the bed and on top of her. Bodies pressed together, Todd began kissing her passionately again. Emily could feel his hardness pressing and rubbing against her equally wanting sex.

Todd moved onto the bed next to Emily and slid his hand into her panties. “Are you always this wet?” he asked, slipping a finger in and out of her swollen, wet pussy.

Emily was breathing was so hard and her heart was racing so fast, that was she struggling with the ability to speak. “No, never,” she finally blurted out, “not like this.”

Todd’s lips moved from her mouth to her neck, then to her sensitive, erect nipples, before progressing down her stomach. As his probing tongue explored Emily’s navel, Todd yanked off her damp panties. Spreading her legs apart, he continued kissing his way down slowly, seductively, inching his way to the promised land.

Emily could feel his hot breath on her sex a moment before he finally made contact. Her aching pussy lips spasmed and her entire body shuddered uncontrollably at the delicate, sensual touch of his tongue. She was ready to come, more than ready, but Todd seemed to have other things in mind. He was taking his time, teasing, tempting, and torturing her. Emily had never experienced anything like this, never had a lover like this; never had someone so focused solely on her, her needs, and her pleasure.

The feelings that Emily was experiencing were becoming increasingly more intense, more incredible, but also increasingly more unbearable. “Please, Todd!” Emily shouted out. “I need to come, more than anything. Please, make me come. Please let me come,” Emily begged. “I can’t take it anymore.”

Todd finally relented, his tongue furiously focused on Emily’s clit, giving her the satisfaction she so desperately craved. Her body stiffened and Emily went off, like she had never gone off before, her entire body shaking, trembling, and convulsing from her orgasm.

Emily had never come like that; she’d never come that hard before. As she recovered from the deep, mind-blowing orgasm, Emily noticed, in the dim light of the bedroom, Todd removing his trousers and underwear. She felt the mattress move with the weight of his body as he climbed onto the bed. Emily pulled her legs back and apart, welcoming and wanting him to enter her.

The bulbous crown of Todd’s hard cock rubbed against Emily’s slippery slit before he plunged into her. Emily let out a loud, involuntary gasp. The intense feeling of the penetration was more than Emily had expected.

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